Introducing George

There's a road in The land Of The Smiling Mule which (as far as I know) doesn't have a name, but it's known as The Ski Slope. It's only a few metres long and connects two busy streets and it's very steep. Everybody has their own method of tackling the Ski Slope, for me it involves a standing start, turning off the air conditioning (my car would never make it otherwise) and a very deep breath. When you get to the top it's a very tight turn onto a busy one-way street, not made easier by the police cars parked on the double yellow lines across the road, which often means making the turn in a couple of attempts. However, the police station does close for lunch between two and five and their working day finishes at eight, our criminals are either very accommodating and stick to office hours or are afraid of the dark, but it does mean taking on the Ski Slope out of office hours is that bit easier.
Anyway, I was making my way home yesterday and I had to tackle the Ski Slope. I stopped the car at the bottom, made sure everything was switched off (does anybody else turn the car radio off when they have to do a tricky maneuver?) and went for it. Sounding like some boy racer I revved the car up and started my ascent. It's not until you get to the top that you can see whether the police cars are there or not so it involves a sharp stab at the brakes, a quick look forward for the police cars, a quick look left for cars coming up the hill and then some fancy foot work to get the car steady before turning out and carrying on up the hill. It was at this point I noticed movement from the corner of my eye, and before I knew what was happening there was a man sat in the back seat of my car.
Note: The Land Of The Smiling Mule sits on a hillside so it's streets are all steep. When you drive into the village (at the bottom) there are often people hanging around waiting for a lift to the top. It doesn't matter if they know you or not, if you stop for any reason somebody will get in the back of your car and tell you where they want dropping off. It takes a bit of getting used to but it's a good system and it works well, but I've never experienced it at the top of the Ski Slope before.
"ARE YOU CRAZY?" I shouted while slamming on the brakes and looking in the mirror to see who it was. "Oh, hi George..."
I don't know his real name but I call him George and he seems happy enough with that. George has made it his mission to categorise everybody in the village into one of two types, you're either a good person or a bad person. If you're a good person he laughs at you, but if you're a bad person he steps back to put a bigger space between you and him and hangs his head. The only words I've heard him speak are "good person/people" and "bad person/people", but when he laughs he laughs like a drain and you can't help joining in.
I was really angry and as I pulled away and carried on up the hill I told him so. He laughed. I parked at the top of the village, I didn't know where he wanted to go but from there everywhere was down hill, and stopped him getting out of the car. In my best Spanish I explained what he did was dangerous and never to try to get into a car on that corner again. He laughed. I dropped my tone and said it again, trying to sound as serious as I could. He laughed. I got out of the car and opened the door for him, "I think this is where you get out George". He shook my hand, said "good person" and doubled over laughing.

Djinns in the toilet

It wasn't that I didn't understand what she was saying, I'd read the book too, it's just that we both interpreted the words differently, taken different elements seriously.
We were in an old house, on the edge of a medina somewhere on Morocco's Atlantic coast. We'd finished dinner and were cleaning away in the kitchen when K suggested we kept some of the leftover food out for the Djinns. We both laughed but I knew K was half serious, or at least testing me for a reaction. She was convinced the house had other occupants, mischievous souls who had to be respected if we were going to live together happily for the weekend. I threw all the leftover food into the bin and heard a little voice behind me say, "you'll be sorry". To be honest the whole Djinn thing was getting on my nerves. We'd already been told we mustn't use the toilet after midnight (I can't remember now why), so when I did I found myself creeping around a dark house at the dead of night, urinating in silence and sloping back to bed all to keep K and her Djinns at bay.
We'd also been told to watch out for things disappearing and reappearing in another place. K was really keen to witness this one and constantly made a mental note of where all our clutter was. A couple of times she got excited about items being moved, "I left it over there" she'd say, "I know I did." Reminding her there was a housekeeper didn't do much to curb her enthusiasm.
Our last morning came all to quickly and I was in the bedroom packing. K passed the open door and laughed at my open case on the bed, "I wouldn't leave that open if I were you, a Djinn might get in it and end up going home with you." I rolled my eyes and sighed.
On our first night back home I got up in the middle of the night for a pee. As I went to switch on the light there was a crackling sound and I heard the fuses trip. I tried to flick the fuse but it wouldn't work, the house remained in darkness. I decided it could wait till the morning to sort out and went into the bathroom. My feet suddenly felt cold and I realised I was standing in water. What the...? By torch light I threw some towels on to the wet floor and added looking at the plumbing to my list of things to do the next day.
The next morning I went into the bathroom again to find it dry. Odd. The fuse box worked again and gave me electricity, very odd. After breakfast I went upstairs to put some oil on our new, oak cupboard doors we'd recently had put in. They were in pieces and hanging off the hinges. Odder still.
Maybe it's coincidence, maybe not. Maybe I'd better call K and ask her again about the chapter on exorcising Djinns.

Smoke and mirrors

Is it just me, or has anybody else noticed you don't see

Lewis Hamilton and Tutankhamun in the same room?

Bugger, I forgot my mantra.

There IS a God

I purposely haven't written anything about the American election result because there are other people much more capable of doing a better job. The Teapot Monk is one such person and you can find his thoughts here. I did however steal this YouTube video from him...



...I would like to thank every American who voted for Barack Obama.

watching and waiting

Message from the Ambassador - October 2008

"...Whilst many leave the UK to settle in Spain, the UK is still a country where many foreign nationals want to settle. You may have seen in the news that on 25 November the first identity cards for people from countries outside the European Economic Area will be issued to people who apply to stay in the UK as a student (or applications based on marriage or partnership). These ID cards will replace the vignettes previously placed in passports. ID cards will then be rolled out until everyone living in the UK has one. I know that there’s a strong demand amongst many UK nationals living in Spain for an ID card so that we don’t always have to carry passports around as a form of identification. Keep looking at our website for more news on this."
And the website address is http://ukinspain.fco.gov.uk/en/

Free rice

This is a small way to make a big difference. Go to http://www.freerice.com/index.php and answer some of the general knowledge questions (you can change the level of difficulty) and for every correct answer the sponsors donate rice to the World Food Programme.

Go on, test yourself and make a difference!